My pending Winter 2011 schedule.

Now that you know,

I can't help but think...

Have you been thinking about me, too?

One of the things that I love about Santa Barbara

is being able to go to the beach in the middle of December.

Risks

I’ve been thinking a lot about everything that has been happening in my life. Recently, I’ve been trying to keep my mind off of depression by staying busy. I am always out and about, hanging around coffee shops with friends or studying somewhere on campus. Although staying busy is helping me feel a little better, I’ve also found myself in a position that I am far too familiar with. I found myself thinking very negative thoughts and I reached a point where I realized that I needed to get help.

I spoke to the priest at my church here and told him about how I was feeling. I told him about how my depression was worsening and how I was scared that I was going to act on the negative thoughts that had been harboring in my mind. He gave me a book that he believed would help me and encouraged me to read it. After reading the first chapter, I made a list of things that I felt were taking a toll on my depression. One of the main things on the list was school. I have been so stressed out about trying to keep my grades up, trying to graduate on time, trying to get into the classes that I need— the list goes on. That’s when I realized that I really needed to do something about it.

I thought long and hard about this option. After talking to several of my close friends and weighing the pros and cons, I’ve decided to take a break from school. It hasn’t been finalized, but I am going to talk to my academic advisor on Thursday about deferring from UCSB for a quarter and what procedures I have to take in order for this transition to go as smoothly as possible. I feel like I really need some time away to figure things out. I mean, what is the point of returning to UCSB in the winter if I am going to be miserable? It would be a waste of time and money if I am just going to do poorly in school.

Don’t get me wrong— this decision is daunting and I am terrified of what my parents will say once I tell them that I won’t be going to school next quarter. I really hope they understand that I really, really need some time off for the sake of my sanity. I just need them to understand that I am not going to drop out of school— I am simply just going to take a break for a quarter and will return in the spring (that is if I find myself feeling better). I do plan on finishing what I’ve started and if that means not graduating on time, then so be it. Putting things on hold is a risk that I am willing to take in order for me to feel better.

I’ve never been much of a risk-taker, but I feel that this is something that I really need to do. I had a long talk with one of my good friends earlier and he reminded me that sometimes you need to take risks in life in order to pursue happiness. After much thought and consideration, I feel that this risk is necessary. Deviating from the norm is terrifying, but I am ready to do it.

Sometimes I can't wait to be 21.

Why is it so difficult for me to talk to you?

I've come to the conclusion that

I love wearing dresses.

It seems as if it were only yesterday was my first day of college.

My first day of living in a dorm, riding my bike to class,

and seeing upperclassmen sitting in lawn chairs on the roundabout 

watching naive Freshmen crash their bikes into each other.

---

Today marks my first official day

as a 3rd year.

Junior year of college, here I come.

I love this theme song/opening!

This is so cool!

WANT.

I think I'm obsessed with making beanies.

I just learned how to crochet exactly a week ago

and I've already made five beanies.

Must. Make. MORE.

My week has been filled with knitting and Dr. Who.

I'm not complaining.

Hmmm... :/

Butterflies in my stomach?

Teehee.

:(

Damn it, it's like a cycle!!

This is me. Sans specs. And w/ makeup. Hoorah.

I actually look like a girl. Lawlz.

I really, really want a tattoo sleeve.

Crazy, I know. 

I'm too scared to actually go through with it...

...but it would look so cool.

Ugh I need money

so I can finally get a tattoo.

-____-

Thirty-seven.

-_____-

The Uncreative Comic of Yesterday! (7/26/10)

A comic based on true events.

(Sorry for the horrible scan)

My therapist says I have very imaginative dreams.

Dennis In His Flight Costume
Photo by Freya Najade
from FileMagazine.com
(click the picture for the link)

Death. It is something we cannot avoid. It is inevitable no matter how hard we try to postpone it. In a matter of seconds, everything we once knew, loved, and hated just disappears. It is powerful enough to push one to do crazy things for the feeling of fulfillment. Death is, without a doubt, very terrifying, but we must face the facts: we are all terminal.

When Dennis’ wife passed away in 2007 to Alzheimer’s, he promised himself that he would try his best to accomplish everything on his bucket list. Being 75 years old, it would be difficult to actually check off everything on his list since many of his objectives required one to be in exceptional physical shape. However, this did not discourage Dennis. After watching his wife’s memories fade away along with her happiness, he told himself that he if he were to die during an attempt at anything on his bucket list, he would die happy knowing that he was doing something memorable.

Dennis was determined to go skydiving. His doctor had advised him not to, but Dennis, being the stubborn man that he was, disregarded his doctor’s warning. No one in his or her right mind would allow a 75-year-old man to go skydiving. The results would most likely be fatal. Dennis assured everyone that he would be perfectly fine. No one could talk him out of it.

One Saturday, Dennis went to a skydiving center near his town. They immediately refused his request due to age restrictions. After over an hour’s worth of arguing about age discrimination, Dennis went back home with shattered hopes of ever checking skydiving off his list.

The next weekend, as Dennis walked into the kitchen for breakfast, he noticed a large box addressed to him on the kitchen table. He opened it and inside was skydiving equipment that his son had bought for him. He asked his son if he was teasing him about not being able to skydive. His son declined, saying that if he couldn’t physically go skydiving, he could just put on the equipment and imagine the feeling of freefalling 13,000 feet in the air. It would be much safer than actually jumping out of a plane.

After arguing with his son about the validity of imagination versus the real deal, Dennis relented and accepted his son’s suggestion. He put his skydiving costume on after breakfast. He walked into the room he had shared with his wife for 52 years and looked at himself in the mirror. He looked silly with this helmet and bright orange shirt, but he enjoyed it. As he stared at his reflection, he imagined his wife standing next to him. He felt her warm presence and glowing energy. He felt her supportive demeanor and imagined her in a similar skydiving costume. He was certain that if she were still alive, she would be standing right next to him, despite her senescence, in the same silly outfit with her hand in his.

Dennis clenched his fist. He could feel her light grip in his hand. His chest felt heavy and his eyes began to water. In the three years that his wife had been gone, he had never felt so alone. He missed her so much.

He lied down on his bed and closed his eyes. He imagined himself freefalling 13,000 feet in the air. He imagined himself with his wife. They were both falling from the clouds above. They were holding each other’s hands. Dennis could feel their energy building up and their adrenaline rush. His breathing got heavier and his heart rate quickened. Everything felt so real. The stomach churning, the adrenaline rushing, the heavy breathing, his wife holding his hand—everything. And, with a final breath, Dennis smiled at his wife and let go.

Everything turned black.

He was gone.

Two cats

Two frogs

One hamster

One goldfish

One beta fish

That is what you get when you put 

four animal-loving college students

together in an apartment.

I want a bird!

Worked out...

...then went to In 'n Out afterwards.

-____-

What's goin' on here?

I've really been into watching sports lately.

It all started with the NBA Championships...

and now I'm really into the World Cup.

I'm rooting for Spain because it's the only country 

in the World Cup that I know is in my blood. Haha.

Too bad the Philippines aren't into soccer. 

It's such a fascinating sport.

Viva España!!

I keep trying to push these thoughts aside

but I can't help but think about it.

:-/

Thinking about studying abroad in England or Korea next summer.

Right now, I'm leaning more towards Korea.

...and still fabulous.

The raindrops look like aliens.

Oops

I did it again.

The result of boredom.

Summer To-Do List

Finally go vegetarian.

Exercise.

Get a job.

Get A's. 

Go fruit picking.
Finish paintings.

(Will be updated once I think of more things to do)

Happy and confused.

Wishful thinking?

Over-thinking?

Blah.

Gahhh

I'm still too shy around him. 

>_<

On another note, 

I can't wait for the retreat this weekend!

Hello, my name is Vernice

and today I am taking a step

towards becoming a healthier person.

:)

One of the things that I really love about UCSB

is being able to walk on the beach late at night

and almost being attacked by the ocean because of high tide.

Choco Pies are like crack.

I.

NEED.

MORE!

V guvax V znl or pyvavpnyyl qrcerffrq.

I'm relieved to know

that I am not the only one who feels like this.

I don't feel so alone.

I've also just realized that...

life actually does get better after you've hit rock bottom.

I hope this week brings a lot of happiness.

Super happy right now

I just realized that I've been unknowingly saving
an extra $300 in my savings account.

The Secret does work.

This is crazy!

I'm officially moving out of I.V.

It saddens me that I have to paint over

the Pokeballs I painted on my wall.

Would leaving SB and going to school in LA

be considered the easy way out?

I'd do anything for all of this to go away.

Why does making the best decision

make you feel so bad?

...

I felt like a grown up yesterday morning

when I sat at the kitchen table, 

drinking coffee while looking through weekly specials 

in the grocery store ads that you get in the mail 

and making a list of what I need to buy for this week's meals. 

I need to learn how to muster up enough courage

to talk to my crushes.

-_____-

I need to stop pulling all-nighters.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHH!

My goal for Spring Quarter:

Receive Dean’s Honors for Spring 2010.
My Spring Quarter GPA has to be 3.75 or higher
on 12 or more letter-graded units with no NP grades.

I will achieve my goal!
I'll make my momma proud.

Edit:
My other goal is to not spend so much money this quarter.
I'm going to set my budget to $100 a month. >_<
I hope I can do it.

I am sooo over Winter quarter

Finals week. The dreaded week that all college students despise (just as much as midterms). It taunts us with the hope of a short break from schoolwork, but only after enduring one more week's worth of academic agony. Oh, finals week. You're such a tease.

I cannot wait until Thursday afternoon at 1:30, when I will close the doors of the Lotte Lehmann Concert Hall behind me and rejoice for Spring Break has arrived. LA, here I come!

So I'm thinking about going vegetarian starting next quarter... or at least a pescetarian. I really need to start eating healthier and go back to the gym. I know that I stated in my New Year's resolution that I'd do that, but I just did not go to the gym at all this quarter (thank you, cold weather, for making me want to hibernate all day) and my eating habits aren't any healthier. (The main reason was because our big fridge was broken for most of the quarter, so I had to rely on canned foods/junk food/snacks that would fit in my mini fridge.) Now that our fridge is in tip-top condition, I can start buying fruits and veggies again!

I'm so excited for Spring quarter. The weather will be beautiful, I can go on bike rides to the Farmer's Market, and I can go hike by the beach and in the mountains! I also won't have any Friday classes next quarter. Yay!

I'm thinking about posting my meals on here next quarter to keep track of my progress as a vegetarian and/or pescetarian. It's going to be hard not eating meat (I love In 'n Out too much!), but I hope I can do it for the sake of my health, my conscience, and the poor little animals that are being slaughtered for food. I wonder how buying less meat and more fruits/veggies will affect my grocery bill. The first and last time I tried going vegetarian was the summer before 10th grade and I only lasted two weeks. Let's see how long I'll last this time.

I'M A MAN!

Alyssa and I grilled steak for dinner.

(We also made garlic-cheddar mashed potatoes and steamed veggies)

We're manly men!

Alyssa is more of a man, though,

parce qu'elle aime her steak as close to rare as possible.

As of today, I am officially minoring in Music History. Yay! :)

Little Joy - Next Time Around

Pokeballs!

:)
I'm going to attempt painting Ponyo!

I gots a wolf on mah wall!

I painted this on my wall yesterday. Yay for deformed wolves!
I'm painting two Pokeballs on my wall today.
I feel like I'm giving my wall tattoos. :)

Trying to be happy all the time is really annoying.

Voir c'est croire.

All-Nighter: A Photoblog

Being a huge procrastinator, Vernice decided to write her music paper
the night before it was due. In order to stay awake, she made herself
a huge cup o' joe.

NOM NOM NOM!

Since she is a pro at procrastinating, Vernice got tired of working on her paper and
decided to procrastinate even more by playing with makeup and
pretending to be super creepy AzN gurrl.

She then realized that her paper was due in less than 5 1/2 hours and she had
yet to write her first paragraph.

AzN frustration. Vernice continued to procrastinate by writing on her
blog instead of working on her paper. Eff her life.

I've been frequently listening to Fleet Foxes for the past few weeks. I really regret not seeing them when they came to UCSB last year. :(

"Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday"

I got bored and decided to sing a song about having a cold.
Excuse my voice. I'm sick. :(



Lyrics requested by Noho:

Oh I have this cold
It makes me feel so old
And I sing really bad
It makes my ears so sad
But it's okay, it's alright
'Cuz I took some TheraFlu last night
I hope this cold goes away
Because tomorrow is Ash Wednesday
And I don't know what words to say
So I'm going to end it here right now

"We can complain because rose bushes have thorns,
or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses."
- Abraham Lincoln

Rainy days suck...

...but cuddling with Ikea in the morning makes them so much better.


Until she decides to choke me...


...and eventually kill me.


Moral of the story: cats are cute conniving little creatures.
Don't trust them.

Simplify:

9x - 7i > 3(3x - 7u)

:)

Oh haiz Mother Nature. You're escary.

Instead of going homez to eat lunch, I am now estuck in zee library until mai next class estartz.

Tenks so mash, Mother Nature. Lahv yooz.

The Secret

I am assuming that you've already heard of "The Secret". I first heard about this when I was a junior in high school (wow, that makes me sound old) and my Chemistry teacher was talking about the different laws of Chemistry. I don't really remember how she got to the subject, but she started talking about "The Secret" and she showed us short clips from the film of the same name. For those of you who don't know what "The Secret" is, it's basically the law of attraction. In short, if you think of good things and you wish for good things to happen, you will attract those good things. If you think of bad things and worry about bad things happening, you will attract those bad things.

I was recently reacquainted with "The Secret" by accident, and I decided to try it out. As I wrote in my previous post, there is a cute boy at church that I have a crush on, so I decided to try and use "The Secret" on him. I kept thinking about how I wanted to talk to him, but how I never got the chance because I'm always really shy around him. Anyway, last week after mass, I stayed for a meeting with the church leadership group and he also happened to stay to help out with cleaning up the Christmas decorations. The opportunity to talk to him arose, but I didn't talk to him much because I was too shy. Later on in the week, as I was walking through the Arbor after class to get my bike so I could meet up with Emi and Sean for lunch, I thought about how funny it would be if I saw him there because there is always a ton of people walking around by the Arbor. Lo and behold, he was there and I was walking straight towards him. Once I realized it was him, I walked the other way, away from him, and I ended up walking behind another guy from church, and I thought it was pretty funny.

Yesterday, we had a little dinner party after mass at our apartment with people from church and I cooked a lot of Filipino food. After the incident at the Arbor, I kept thinking about how I wanted to invite my crush to our party, but I don't have him as a friend on Facebook, so he never got invited on the event page. I thought about how I wanted him to be there and how I wanted to talk to him, but I was kind of hesitant about it. Anyway, we got to mass a little late yesterday and since it was raining, there weren't that many people at church. We managed to find seats at the front and, surprisingly, my crush was there sitting at one of the front seats to our left. I caught him glancing towards us every now and then, but I'm not sure why. Anyway, after mass, we rounded up everyone who was going to walk with us to our apartment, and he happened to be one of the people who ended up going. So there he was, sitting in my apartment, commenting about how he thought the food I made was really yummy, and yet I did not really talk to him. -_-

I don't know why I did not talk to him. I mean, I know it was because I was shy, but I don't know why I couldn't muster up the courage to go up to him and say, "Hey! How's the food?" I noticed that he did try to talk to me, but I was too shy to respond. I guess it's because I kept thinking about talking to him, but how I was scared that he'd think I'm not interesting or that we wouldn't have much to talk about. I really hope he doesn't think that I'm mean or that I don't like him or anything like that. :/

Anyway, enough of me rambling on about boys. The point of my ridiculous story is that I think that "The Secret" really does work and that the law of attraction is really scary. It probably sounds crazy and you're probably skeptical about it, but just try it. Who knows what good will come out of it? :P